There are several ways to improve communication with your loved ones, but also with everyone else, and to understand what the secret of lasting joy is, because good interpersonal relationships are a prerequisite for a happy life.
It is common knowledge how important healthy communication is in the family and society, because the first need that every person has is the need for acceptance and approval.
We all want to be respected among friends, in the family and in any society, to have happy relationships and relationships, full of love and understanding, where we can be honest with each other, at home or with colleagues at work. According to psychologists, the 85% of happiness and success we have in life is determined by the quality of our relationships with others, and this, unfortunately, means that the 85% of our problems and dissatisfactions is also connected to other people (part of unhappiness is often rooted in interpersonal relationships).
In business and personal relationships, there are often, for completely different reasons, misunderstandings in communication, whether the problem is that people do not want to talk about certain things or that they do not listen carefully. Ex-lovers, partners, colleagues, family, children... often cause us dissatisfaction, and strained relationships do not allow us to relax, and because of this, these relationships are damaged or completely broken, and then one of the most common questions is asked: who is to blame?
The biggest source of our frustrations and neurotic states are weak and damaged interpersonal relationships, and we are especially sensitive to interactions with others and probably are not even aware of how bad social relationships cost us our health. Kristijan Nortrup, an expert in the holistic way of treating diseases, believes that people who have a lot of false friendships, difficult and unresolved family relationships or problematic love relationships, more often suffer from mild to severe chronic diseases, because every quarrel or broken relationship affects our health, can have serious consequences and also affect the health of other people. Headache and gastritis may have arisen from the desire to win someone's love, and this is just one more reason to take responsibility, to discuss any broken relationship with other people and to do your best to make your relationships with the environment as good as possible. You must be aware of what messages you are sending to others and recognize what messages are directed at you.
The mind is faster than the tongue
The quality of communication also depends on the communication skills and patterns that are learned from parents and passed on to children from generation to generation, because if parents are in constant conflict and cannot agree on mutual differences, an unhealthy climate of family relations is created, and children inherit a model of incorrect communication. . The key to a healthy relationship is honest and two-way communication. Psychologists point out that, if we want all our relationships from communication with superiors, family, friends, partners to be constructive, it is necessary to analyze the way we communicate. If you have difficulties with other people, first determine whether the problem is with you and your feelings or in the relationship with someone.
Get rid of the idea that others have to understand that they have wronged you, try to approach them with empathy and don't blame others for your failures. Hypersensitive people or "vulnerable" egocentrics have problems with expressing emotions in relation to communication standards: they are constantly "on guard", ready to react in the event of an attack, they are in a fit and insecure and always overestimate the unfairness of the other person's behavior and perceive them as uninterested, indifferent or selfish, and on the other hand, they perceive themselves as a lonely, abandoned person, without other people's attention and understanding. For the above reasons, a hypersensitive and hurt person withdraws, convinced of his rightness, expecting the other to apologize for his misdeeds and then terminates communication with the other person or, if for some reason he is forced to maintain communication, he does so very distantly.
Interacting differently with the people around you means changing your past habits, as well as the way you react to criticism, which can drastically affect your ability to maintain healthy and successful relationships. Do not confront when you feel the most anger and rage. Wait until you calm down, instead of emotional criticism, focus on the facts and present them calmly, as you see them. Try to end each conversation with a positive comment, with the hope that things will improve. It is important to iron out strained relationships; it doesn't matter who is at fault, but how much that person means to you.
The key to good relationships
Problems are a part of our everyday life, as well as conflicts with other people, and it is up to you not to ignore them, but to learn to resolve conflicts in the right way. The thinking process can often disrupt the dialogue, because we often think faster than we speak and most people are often not aware of the things that disrupt communication. Conflicts most often arise when you realize that you do not share the same expectations with other people, if you think that others should assume what you think and what you want, then disappointments are inevitable. Treat others with the same kindness, tolerance and respect that you would like them to treat you and they will begin to follow your example. Listen more carefully to your interlocutor because this is a key factor in a healthy relationship; accept people as they are. The subconscious need of all of us is to feel important, so show others that you value them, and they want to be accepted without judgment, evaluation or criticism. This is the key to great interpersonal relationships, and whenever you focus on making family members, friends, and colleagues feel important, you create the prerequisites for healthy and happy reciprocal relationships with the environment.
The golden rules of good communication consist in emphasizing what you expect from the other person and what you don't, criticizing human behavior in an argument and not someone's qualities, listening to the interlocutor without interrupting and finishing the sentence for him, expressing your emotions and feelings and accept other people's emotions and to show that you care about someone's needs and feelings. Respect other people even if you don't understand them. Initiate better communication and understanding in the family because, when household members learn to calmly and actively listen to each other, the possibilities for arguments decrease, and the prerequisites for a healthy family climate increase.
How to make a marriage flourish
The foundation of marriage and family stability is communication, and its quality depends on the willingness of partners to take care of nurturing relationships, understanding, support, empathy and respect for other people's needs. The most important thing is the conversation, and everything else is fleeting, especially when the passions subside and the children leave home. Most women have more developed communication skills, care and compassion for the needs of others, and a willingness to take responsibility for family relationships, more so than men.
The essence of healthy communication in marriage is an open conversation about challenges and desires, without secrets and silence; do not shut yourself up and "swallow" anger and dissatisfaction, because a wall of silence, suppressed conflicts or a series of insincere conversations can be disastrous for your future relationship, and refraining from comments in order not to offend someone (pushing the problem under the carpet) or the other extreme (talking not choosing words) are not the solution.
Psychologists claim that it is of key importance to find a balance, but in a way that does not offend the other party. Talk because, no matter how close you are, your partner cannot read your mind, no matter how many obligations you have, you are busy, listen patiently and show respect and, when you have a problem, talk about it first with your partner, not with your friend because family problems should always remain in the circle of those closest to you. Learn to accept another solution because you cannot always be right, and compromise in many situations can strengthen your relationship and make it better. You will not solve a lively discussion by shouting and insulting; if you lower your voice first, the other party will react in the same way and the problem will be easier to discuss and solve. Be honest with yourself and reassess your expectations. Do not burden, complain, but offer an answer, learn to say - sorry, because admitting your own mistakes is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of maturity.
How to save yourself
Good mental health is the first condition for quality of life, which we all desire. Wounds will always heal, but frayed nerves won't, so think about that. In these turbulent times, the biggest challenge for humans is how to preserve mental health, that is, "nerves". Mental health represents balance in all aspects of life - psychological, mental, emotional and spiritual, it is the source from which we draw our daily pleasures and reasons for living - it is the ability to enjoy life and to deal with the problems we encounter every day. Our mental health determines how satisfied we will be with life, how much we will enjoy it, but also how long we will live, because it is closely related to our physical health and represents the basis for a positive attitude towards ourselves, the profession we choose, friends and love relationships in which we embark on. Sometimes it doesn't come by itself, you have to fight for it.
Everyday life presents us with a series of problems that we find increasingly difficult to deal with, and over a long period of time, as a result of exposure to long-term dissatisfaction, psychological defense mechanisms weaken, mood changes occur and we begin to behave and feel differently, consciously or unconsciously falling into the labyrinth of our fears , experiences and experiences, current and previous, we are not satisfied with our choices, we have the impression that we have failed and this makes us ineffective in acting at the right time and in the right place, and when negative feelings last longer, they paralyze our will and prevent us from living good luck. Then there is a serious disturbance of the balance of the spirit. Difficult life situations, unpleasant events that leave deep traces and constant overloads can weaken mental health and lead to psychological crises and illnesses, and the gap between desires and possibilities can easily lead us into the dark abyss of depression, an unpleasant feeling of anxiety and a vicious circle of dissatisfaction. We have less and less fun and enjoy ourselves because we constantly fear that something bad will happen, and being burdened with worries day and night and imagining negative scenarios drives people into problems and illness.
A measure of health
Good psychological health implies several positive qualities: a sense of meaning and purpose, self-satisfaction (a healthy attitude towards oneself), a desire for life, a balance between work and fun, rest and activity, the ability to enjoy oneself and the feeling that we have realized ourselves and that we are connected to others, and the best measure of mental and emotional health is the way we deal with life's adversities and stress, daily obligations, as well as the ability to recover from an accident. Mentally healthy and satisfied people have the ability to get up after life's setbacks and move on, they are able to deal with life's disappointments, they have developed or adopted ways of empathizing with crisis situations and maintain a positive outlook on life, they remain focused, reasonable and flexible even in difficult and good times. They are satisfied, smiling, full of positive energy, have a will to live and high self-confidence, feel good in "their own skin", make their own decisions, know how to relax and have fun, but also deal with problems and find meaning in everything they do.
The key to emotional health is good adaptability to new situations and emotional stability, in the ability to manage one's own emotions. Experts advise how to keep mental health stable: build self-confidence, accept yourself, focus on positive things in life, make time for family and friends, eat healthy and be active. If we want to preserve and improve our inner peace, we must learn to be positive towards negative thoughts, control feelings of anger, sadness, anger, apprehension, fear, happiness..., it is important to be aware of negative feelings, but to always keep in mind that it is fleeting and to think positively.
Turning your wants into demands is a key way to make yourself emotionally unhealthy. You must not be a slave to whims, desires and demands because this creates negative tensions. Mental health affects physical health and what we worry or suffer today can have far-reaching consequences for us. Long ago, Plato said that doctors make the biggest mistake when they try to heal the body without healing the spirit. The more we take care of our "nerves", the better and longer our body will serve us. Neck or back pain, headache, high blood pressure, shortness of breath, feeling very tired, sleep disturbance, memory problems, chest pain, change in appetite, diarrhea, sexual problems, stomach pain, gastritis, thyroid problems, asthma - are some of the physical symptoms that indicate that we are haunted by fears, worries and stress and that our mental health is out of balance, and poor emotional health weakens the immune system and makes us more susceptible to colds and other infections. Abuse of alcohol, tobacco, coffee, drugs endangers our emotional health.
Balance is important
The joy of life, moderation, as well as the balance between everyday workload and periods of relaxation are very important for psychological balance. Stress must be kept under control. Unhealthy states that can disturb our inner peace are chronic exhaustion, accumulated anger, feelings of guilt, anger, hatred and lack of social interaction. Stress must not culminate because it can lead to depression, chronic low mood, sadness and neurosis, so try to balance daily obligations and pleasures. Mental balance means resilience, i.e. the ability to take hits and withstand trauma and stress.
Limit unhealthy mental habits, such as worry and negative thoughts about yourself, as they drain energy and trigger fears and depression. Even in difficult times, try to maintain a positive attitude because this will lead to a better psychological balance, and problems that once seemed intractable will now seem smaller and unimportant. You should distance yourself from bad habits before it's too late, you should shift your thoughts to something else, which does not cause tension, increase relaxation and time for what you enjoy.
Experts say that we will improve the quality of mental health if we have support and good communication with family and friends, but if you have people in your environment who have a negative and stressful effect on you in any way, you should distance yourself from them or get away (isolate yourself ) from that negative environment. A fake friend, a rude ex-partner, an inconvenient boss, "well-meaning" relatives or "caring" colleagues... they are around us every day and should be removed from our lives because they can seriously damage and threaten our peace of mind. A difficult relationship, full of stress, as well as frequent criticism and arguments, has a negative impact on the psyche.
According to research by British experts, conducted in 2003, even single people have better mental health than people who are in bad relationships. Researchers studied 2,127 men and 2,303 women and found that women who had been through several breakups had worse mental health than women who had been single all their lives.
Without hatred and remorse
When you harbor hatred and regret, you create an emotional burden within yourself that weighs on your heart and soul. Regret can turn into a haunting feeling, creating chronic stress and constant guilt, which damages the mind and body, so forgive yourself and move on. Most people forgive others more easily than themselves.
Hate is a negative emotion, which makes us angry, irritable, old, tired, and forgiveness is the cure for it. Forgiveness has a beneficial effect on the psyche because it removes the feeling of fear, anxiety, and resentment for a long time and provides an opportunity for a new beginning. So close some chapters of your life and move on, don't be envious or compare yourself to others who are supposedly better off than you.
Don't be lonely
Make a plan for each day, focus on planned activities and building healthy relationships with other people. What bothers some people the most is that they don't have a plan for a certain day and their brain has room to idle, so thoughts start to fly in the wrong direction. Some people feel alienated and overwhelmed by their problems. A support network is very important for mental health - it is important to have people you trust, to whom you can turn for encouragement, because a kind word improves the emotional state. Don't be alone, you don't always have to be strong and fight alone, friends are important, especially in difficult times. Nurture your friendships, spend as much time as possible in nature or choose an activity that will "shake" you up. Learn something new, find a new hobby, because satisfaction, friendship or the opportunity to change jobs will boost self-confidence.
Be socially active, spend a lot of time with friends, volunteer, travel, the brain will remain active and healthy. Take a break from worries, don't let hope for a better tomorrow be lost, because worries and problems will pass, but worn nerves cannot be restored. Collect only positive emotional moments, remember the time when you felt satisfaction, security and other positive emotions. If you are going through a difficult period in your life, simplify things where you can, be optimistic, concentrate on the solution, not the problem.
Petar Radaković, MD.
What does it mean to forgive?
What the Bible says:
To forgive an offender means to stop feeling anger towards him. The Greek word translated as "forgive" literally means "to let go, to forget, to release", as in releasing someone from a debt. Jesus used this thought when he taught his followers to pray: "Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive our debtors!" (Luke 11:4). And in his parable about the unmerciful slave, Jesus compared forgiveness to canceling a debt (Matthew 18:23-35).
We have forgiven someone if we are no longer bitter towards them and if we do not in any way try to make them pay for the pain or loss we have experienced. The Bible teaches that selfless love is the basis of true forgiveness because love "remembers no evil" (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5).
Forgiveness does not mean...
Tolerate transgression. The Bible condemns those who claim that bad actions are harmless or acceptable (Isaiah 5:20).
Pretend the offense never happened. God forgave King David's serious sins, but did not protect him from the consequences of his actions. He even had David's sins written down, so that we know about them today (2 Samuel 12:9-13).
Allowing someone to take advantage of us. For example, imagine that you lend money to someone, but he spends it wildly and cannot return it to you as he promised. He is very sorry and apologizes to you. You may choose to forgive him by not holding a grudge against him, by not repeating what happened over and over again, and perhaps even forgiving him a debt. But you may also decide that you will never lend him money again (Psalm 37:21; Proverbs 14:15; 22:3; Galatians 6:7).
To pass over a trespass without a justified basis. God does not forgive those who knowingly and maliciously sin and do not want to admit their mistakes, change their way of acting or apologize to the one they hurt (Proverbs 28:13; Acts 26:20; Hebrews 10:26). People who do not repent of their sins become God's enemies, and God does not ask us to forgive those whom he has not forgiven (Psalm 139:21, 22).
And what if you are the victim of cruel treatment and the person who hurt you does not want to apologize or even admit what he did? The Bible advises: "Put away anger and leave anger" (Psalm 37:8). Although you are not required to tolerate the transgression, you can make an effort to dispel the anger. Trust that this person will have to answer for their actions before God (Hebrews 10:30, 31). You can also be comforted by the knowledge that God will make sure that soon we no longer feel the strong pain that burdens us today (Isaiah 65:17; Revelation 21:4).
To iron out any alleged insult. Sometimes we may have to admit that we really have no reason to take something as an insult, so in such situations there is no need to forgive. The Bible says: "Do not be quick to take offense, for offense rests in the bosom of fools" (Ecclesiastes 7:9).
To make it easier to forgive…
Remember what forgiveness involves. Forgiving doesn't mean you condone wrongdoing or pretend the wrongdoing never happened. It simply means moving on.
Remember how helpful forgiveness is. If you let go of anger and resentment, you will be calmer and happier, and this will certainly contribute to better health (Proverbs 14:30; Matthew 5:9). More importantly, if we forgive others, God will also forgive us our sins (Matthew 6:14, 15).
Show understanding. We are all imperfect (James 3:2). As we love others to forgive us, so we should forgive others (Matthew 7:12).
Be reasonable. When we have a minor reason to complain about someone, we can apply the biblical advice: "Bear with one another" (Colossians 3:13).
Don't wait. Do not allow anger to grow within you. Try to forgive as soon as possible (Ephesians 4:26, 27).
Prayer. Prayer is the most powerful weapon with which the Creator gives us the strength to forgive.
Not only are hatred, anger, and revenge neutralized, but our feelings change fundamentally, and thus also our attitude towards the one who wronged us.
Prayer should be in your own words (thoughts), concrete, clear, persistent, regular without unnecessary enumeration, explaining to God (because He already knows in advance what we need)
Trust in the Creator
The basic fabric of which health is woven is trust. Therefore, we conclude that the basic tissue of every disease is mistrust. - Mistrust is a feeling of restlessness, unhealthy tension, constant vigilance, vigilance and threat. It is a sign of constant danger from everything and everyone on our life's road.
It is something that forces us to constantly guard ourselves, to defend ourselves, to bury ourselves and thus try to protect ourselves. Mistrust engages our available energies, it is a sign of alarm, it is a state of war in man. Just as in every state all forces and energies, all money and all the economy are engaged for the self-defense of the homeland, so in man all his energies, consciously or subconsciously, are engaged against the one in whom man has no confidence. Therefore, any mistrust consumes a person's energy, drains his strength, makes the organism weaker and weaker. This sign can be seen in the human body. Where people don't trust, they speed up their pace, or look away from those they don't trust, or they keep quiet and don't want to talk to those people. A man who has been distrustful for a long time raises his shoulders and remains hunched over, a certain tension can be seen in his entire organism, his face shows concern, his words are quick and casual, that man has a reason to mutter, he is dissatisfied, unhappy, he has no time for joy, for feasting, for friends, he has to work forever, he has to study, he has to succeed, he strives to compensate his inner energy with some other protection and values that will make him so in front of people that it will not endanger him.
The most diverse situations create mistrust in a person. Sometimes it's a headache that makes a person nervous, he is afraid that he won't be able to complete the tasks that need to be done, he is afraid that it is not some serious illness. Therefore, an area of alarm is created in man. The second time it's a toothache, or an earache, or an eyeache, the third time it's an injury to a leg or an arm and already the whole organism is on alert, everything in a person is tense, nervous and dissatisfied. Other times it can be some criticism that someone gave you, so you feel that others don't like you, that you will have to work very hard to prove that you are not the way you were criticized for, to compensate for the fact that such criticism threw you back before with human eyes, the fact that you are far from fame, that people are already putting you in the second row and the slop and that they love you less and less, appreciate you less and less, and I can live without you. Mistrust is the feeling that the ground is collapsing under our feet. The third time it can be some command or warning that parents give to children or spouses to each other, or a friend to a friend, so that we already feel that we are not calm and that we are not ourselves, that we have to do what we are ordered to do, that if that if we don't do it, some punishment awaits. The alarm is, therefore, already there, in the organism. It can be a night that threatens us, it can be driving a car, a bus or an airplane, it can be swimming in the sea, it can be reading some black chronicles in the newspaper, watching movies, listening to horrible stories, talking about some diseases, fatal cases, accidents, distrust, divorces, hospitals and death.
A state of alert calls for shelter. The person then feels weak, pale or red, some parts of the body do not seem to work in a controlled manner, the person is sometimes unable to speak, he cannot hear others well, he is all scared, in fear, horror, in misery, phobia or in resignation, hopelessness, depression.
Distrust is a spiritual disease. Only the one who is stronger than all these diseases of ours can save us. And that is only God. Therefore, we should constantly work on trusting him, the Creator of the world, in his love, forgiveness, mercy, in his death for us and resurrection, in the Holy Spirit who has been given to us, in the Church that is here among us, in people. whom God has already made holy. He restores our trust in everything.
The weapon against mistrust is only ever stronger and deeper trust in God. And it is entered by staying in God's presence.
Find a place where no one will disturb you for at least twenty minutes, morning and evening. And then decisively and disciplinedly use those 4 times for 5 minutes so that in the first period you just absorb the saving presence of God who loves you, in the second you pray that God forgives your attachment to people and situations that result in mistrust in you, exhaustively enumerating them, in the third part, forgive everyone who caused mistrust in you, and in the fourth, renounce every cause of your mistrust, for example: "I renounce the person without whom I think I cannot live, so let me not see her anymore, so what then. My life depends only on God." After each prayer, wait and you will feel the spiritual shackles of mistrust fall from you and you become healthy. Persevere in your liberation.
T. Ivančić
